


Want

by greekowl87



Series: Tumblr Prompts [21]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Episode: s07e15 En Ami, F/M, MSR, Tumblr Prompt, post ep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 12:02:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15048572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greekowl87/pseuds/greekowl87
Summary: Scully deals with the fallout from her decisions of dealing with the Smoking Man.





	Want

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: “I don’t want to feel like this tomorrow"

He kept looking at me like I was broken or he did not know quite what to do with me.

“Say something,” I said.

“What do you want me to say, Scully?”

Mulder’s pacing in front of me in silence. I expected him to at least be angry. Maybe scream. Something. Anything. But I am getting that stink eye and cold silence.

“Anything.”

He was such a passionate individual. I think that was one of the first things that caused my infatuation with him on our first cases. I know it was one of the reasons why I fell in love with him later on and when we took it to the next level. I felt burned by him multiple times, but out of love. This time–I had never felt so alone. I took a deep breath.

“Mulder.”

I never begged.

“What do you want me to say, Scully? You ran off. You ran off with him! The man who abducted you, the man who killed your sister, the man you who gave you cancer!”

“The man who gave the chip that put my cancer in remission! The chip that almost cost me my life at Ruskin Dam,” I countered. “The chip we know nothing about! I am tired, Mulder! I am tired of not knowing and I don’t want to feel like this tomorrow and the day after that.”

I watched his poker face remain emotionless but something flickered in his hazel eyes. Even when he refused to give any clue as to what he was thinking, his eyes were literally a peek into his soul. I just wish I knew what he was feeling. I sighed pointlessly. This was becoming pointless.

“I wanted answers. I just wanted to know. I thought you of all people would understand.”

He still kept silent. What the hell? I thought Mulder backed me, just like I did for him. Every. Single. Damn. Time. Sure, I would sometimes call him crazy but I always stood by him, found evidence for his crazy theories, and we made it work together. Why couldn’t he do the same for me now? Trust no one but me. We were each other’s champions and rescuers. But his silence was becoming unbearable along with the contempt permeating from him. I couldn’t even look at him in the eye.

Score one to Mulder. Zero to Scully. Nice job, Dana. Nice job.

“I’ll go.” My own voice sounded foreign. “I know when I’m not wanted.”

I shut my eyes, willing myself not to cry. I can’t cry. I can’t be allowed to feel. I have to strong. I have to. My feet walked myself to the door. My hand opened the door of its own will. I could still feel his eyes boring into the back of my skull.

* * * *

Wanted: that’s what Mulder made me feel.

Staring at a darkened ceiling of a bedroom, unable to sleep, I could catalog my thoughts and replay the past few day’s events in my mind, reliving in a purgatory of guilty and stupidity of my own making.

After seven years of our partnership and work, we both lost so much. I lost any semblance of a social life, my body became scarred because of some man’s maniacal ways. I had lost a sister and a daughter I never knew. I bore scars on my hands and abdomen that my family politely said nothing about but I knew they cringed. But Mulder made me feel wanted. Loved. Who else could love a woman abducted, unable to have children, and implanted with foreign chips? But now, I have never felt more alone.

Where did that leave us now? I could not even fathom working with that in the basement. If Diana Fowley were alive, she would be dancing and cackling on the grave. Here lies the partnership of Mulder in Scully. Rest in pieces. And right there to take my place. My place.

I have a stake in this too, Mulder. Why can’t you see that?

A sudden jarring at my front door interrupted my thoughts. Not alarming, but the slow creak my front door makes if it is opened. Who the hell? What the hell? I grabbed my Sig from my nightstand and quietly shut off the safety. Now my bedroom door was opening. Seriously, what the fuck? Was it the Smoking Man coming to finish the job? That would be highly ironic.

“Stop,” I ordered.

“Scully, I know I messed up but is the Sig really necessary? Wasn’t shooting me once in the shoulder enough?”

Mulder, complete with his guile and sarcasm.

“Well, you could have knocked instead of breaking and entering.” The Sig went back into its holster. “Maybe called even. What are you doing here?”

“I came to apologize.”

“Apologize?”

“Yeah.” Mulder turned on the lamp next to my bed, momentarily blinding both of us. “I, uh, couldn’t sleep. I kept replaying it back over and over.”

“Yeah. I know the feeling.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. He scrunched his face in thought. “That doesn’t sound right does it?”

“It sounds partially right,” I answered.

He bit his lip and looked down. “I am sorry, Scully. I would have done the same thing, especially if he offered me the same deal. I want answers to. We both do. I guess…”

“We’re partners. We’re supposed to have each other’s back.”

“And fronts in our case.”

I smiled and color rushed to my cheeks. He took my hand and tenderly trailed his other hand down my cheek. “I messed up, Scully. Forgive me?”

I looked up and I saw the flickering in his eyes, the same one I saw earlier that night. To be wanted. To be loved. I nodded slightly and he gave a tentative smile. “Come to bed,” I said. “That’s probably why neither of us can sleep.”

“I won’t argue with that.”

Watching him dress down to his boxers, climbing into bed, feeling him wrap his arms around me, I know what it was to be loved and wanted. I wanted to feel like this tomorrow and every day.


End file.
